Saturday, 28 December 2019

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Very funny "PetsTalk Holidays"

what do the holidays make me think of oh, I know tinsel what she's gonna get embarrassed now it's okay hon it's not going on the internet so last Christmas the genius here eats a piece of it fast-forward24 hours she's got four inches of it hanging right out of her it's like the corn kernel of Christmas decorations went right through her so she's walking around and she looks like one of those pull-string confetti poppers and I said honey I love you but I'm not pulling that out I mean at the end of course I did and by the way that's the definition of love when I guess I'm most thankful for her it's hard to love something that much painful like actually painful like this what's happening right now feels like fast
acupuncture Oh more like I'm getting a very slow tattoo I've just random bloody dots I grab the mouse I let it go I grab it again and again and again and that's what I do but I always felt judged that

Photo by Laura Beth Snipes on Unsplash

I messed with its head before I kill it but check this out they decapitate a tree right and then they keep it alive with sugar water then they put all kinds of crap on it right to weigh it down and humiliate it and then here's the kicker they put wrap boxes all around it you know what they're made out of cardboard and paper dead trees and they keep it alive like this for like a month before they toss it on the street I mean it's so hardcore so yeah no I mean I totally get the Christmas spirit seriously you're gonna do this right now during the interview, I'm sorry he's a bit of a Humber sure it gets a little
awkward at the holiday parties I lean over to get an hors d'oeuvre and suddenly my head's bobbing like I'm skiing moguls but that's what holiday parties are a chance to come together and see that everyone can be an idiot don't take it from me but yeah most cats that we're on the NIP all through the holidays that's how we make it through just a blur of colorful lights and then you wake up in the new year plus now it's legal are you seeing this it's like suddenly there's just lots of ants.
But like superhero hands paranoid no I'm not paranoid why are you paranoid I feel like I'm moving my head a lot like more than normal but like if I stop thinking about it I might not move my head at all what are we talking about oh yeah holidays, yeah I mean it's like a bird sorry question how long has it been since I blinked I mean at first it feels like the whole world's trying to pet you and let's not talk about the dreams, yes I dreamt that I coughed up a hairball right that looked like Santa Claus and
it stood up and walked around me and climbed into my butt and then I coughed it up again and it went around and around like that like I was a ride in a water park listen in the holidays you see these once a year friends like the neighbors Pekinese you know and they mean well Oh what are you been up to so you condense a year of life into like three sentences and then you're like oh crap is that really it and of course it's not I mean all the small things don't make it into that story how you figured out
how to jump on top of the living room bookshelf or in the middle of the night when you jump on the bed and feel your person's warmth like there's a little furnace inside of them it's like the tree all the ornaments of your life can be small but if you can step back and look at them all together they can be
quite dazzling and by the way dazzling is a very weird word.

Photo by Laura Beth Snipes on Unsplash


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